one quarter tank of gas cost me $20 tonight. ridiculous. no need to rant on that topic, because i’m sure no one needs to hear it, and already has heard it a million times.

so, while i sit here and wait for Solaris 10 (x86) to install on my removable HDD, i’ll bore you with some more bullshit.

2005 was an ‘interesting’ year. bittersweet, actually.


Working at TACOM.

Wasn’t as bad as i made it out to be, but there definitely was a lack of technical challenge. It sucks, but the same is happening now at the new job … I almost feel like I was misled back in October. I was in the mindset that I’d be working on the DLA project and using my clearance, but now I’m stuck supporting commercial customers. I’m still using my clearance, because the Operations Bridge I work on requires one to enter now due to the DLA work. But, it doesn’t feel like I can list any ‘accomplishments’ on my resume after being at this job. Should I just be happy with making the money I am, or should I really be as ambitious as I used to be? On one hand, it feels like I’m just laying down and taking whatever if I just allow myself to be satisfied, and on the other, I don’t want to be too ‘materialistic’ and only worry about a successful career.

Fuck, but at this point what else is there for me?? I haven’t met a girl I can marry, and I have no kids. So we focus on career until life brings us something better, right? Sure, whatever.

Which brings me to my next topic. Girls. Well, one in particular.

Feeling like I was in love again.

Not much to say here. I’m sure anyone reading this will know the story. How do I avoid being hurt again? Can’t. I can hold my tongue or leave the girl if things aren’t exactly the way I want them. But at that point it’s just giving up. I didn’t want to give up. All the while I was complaining about things that weren’t perfect, I was trying to stop myself from falling in love. But love is a slow sweet poison that got the best of me, no matter the problems.

But I don’t want this to turn this entry into feeling sorry for myself again.


“You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’ … Whoa that lovin’ feelin’.”. Right.

4 fucking speeding tickets in a month. 8 points in Sterling Heights. Might lose my license. Thanks Sterling Whites!! FUCKERS!

getting terribly out of shape. who knew that sitting on my ass for 12 hours a day and being depressed the days i don’t work would do this to me? i did, and i let it happen. that’s the worst part.

which leads to the next part.


I Worked out tonight after about a month and a half of only thinking “I really need to work out”. After a few reps of arm workouts and chest workouts, I got on the treadmill. Wow, half a mile at a pace of 8:34/mile really really really kicked my ass. Like I felt like I was gonna die kind of kicked my ass. I guess I could use some excuses, (I have a cold and I’m really dehydrated) but the fact of the matter is I’m really bad out of shape. Time to get real about getting in shape … I won’t be able to get “abs of steel” after a certain age, as metabolism goes down quite a bit … I guess those 4 White Castles for dinner didn’t help my performance much.

Looking forward.

Two job opportunities coming up: one speaking to an account manager tomorrow morning for a UNIX Admin position as a contractor to Ford, and one interview Monday for a Level 2 UNIX Admin position with VIA for as a contractor for HP.

So what’s better, Hewlett-Packard or Ford?? I don’t know … I’ve always wanted to work for Ford, but I’m hesitant because the Auto industry is so economically up and down.

I don’t think I’ll do terribly well on the interview for the Level 2 position, but who knows … I have a degree and some experience now at HP. Hopefully that helps a bit.

Houses and moving out of the apartment.

Brandon and I have decided to get another place together for about 6 months. Right now Fairlane East is the leading contender for the next apartment complex to live at, but I’m also looking at 2 houses tomorrow. Maybe if it all works out I’ll be able to get him as a roommate at my new house.

It’ll be fucking awesome to have a place of my own. I can’t wait to own something independent of my parents. It’s great all of the opportunities that they’ve given me, paying for everything they could, but a man’s gotta have his freedom, right? That’s why I went to boot camp, to prove I could do something on my own.

Not just that, I’ll actually have a place I can do some work on and give a shit about. Living in an apartment sucks that way; it doesn’t matter what you add or improve: it’s not yours!

Anyway, I’m bored of writing. Here’s my incredibly messy desk:

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