it’s not as bad as it sounds, promise.
the other night i was driving home from my parents’ place, and i noticed a cat (maybe young enough to still be considered a kitten) running across the road. it stopped in the middle of the street in the turning lane, it’s black coat and white chest visible in the side illumination of my headlights. i was relieved to see it stop and lick it’s left paw, as if it knew to stay in the face of oncoming traffic from the other lane. i didn’t trust it, though, as i had seen many a squirrel stupidly run back the other way directly under a tire.
so i kept an eye on my rearview mirror, and the next thing i saw was the cat try to scurry back across the road, right under a Ford F-series’ huge tires. i couldn’t tell which part of the cat was hit, but i knew it wasn’t happy. that bothered me. i was reminded of an ex’s story about how a kitten was hit on an off-ramp years ago, and she stopped to make sure it was okay. in her case, the kitten was just injured, and she picked it up and took it to a vet to try and save it.
i tried to keep driving and forget about what i had just witnessed, but my compassion and caretaker impulses wouldn’t allow it. i turned around, first driving by it and seeing it completely still on the road, then parking nearby to get a closer look.
i walked into the middle of the road in the dark night, wary of oncoming traffic. when i approached the deathly still animal, i looked into it’s blood red eyes and could tell it was beyond help. just to make sure, i nudged the deceased being with my foot, and i can honestly describe it as nothing more than like kicking a sealed plastic bag full of water.
so i’m supposed to be a Marine, right? praying for war and inviting death. but i can’t stomach the fact that a cat is laying dead in the road and i kicked it as it lay there.
later that night i had some pretty disturbing dreams; ones i would probably describe as a morbid mixture of my experiences that night ………