what did I see in Mary? wow … even that combination of letters does something to me. that pattern of symbols; means more than the sum of its’ parts.

what did I see in Michelle?

Love. beyond just a combination of letters and symbols and the smile that (for me) could launch a thousand ships. they both had the smile that made my heart sink. they both had it so far tucked away that i struggled to make it appear.

that spark. when i first saw Michelle at the WGM meeting. when I first say Mary in the DJ booth of WUMD. for both … our eyes met. with Michelle, it was a feeling of uncertainty, yet knowledge that there was something there. i could feel desire burning, and i knew i had to have her. i hope i feel that gain, soon …

with Mary, it was ………………… a feeling of … something completely different. who cares what it was; they were completely different. one wanted me to be her husband for the longest time, and one didn’t find me until she had already found what she biologically wanted (a child).

what good are genders, i ask? for at least ten years, i’ve pondered the question: “How efficient is it for a species to have such a separation in genes as to have genders?” it seems everything would be solved if there were no genders involved. sex wouldn’t exist, we would lay eggs instead. war probably wouldn’t exist, as testosterone (the aggressive chemical) and estrogen (the defensive chemical) would probably not exist in such abundancy and in such relative disproportionaite means as it does between man and woman. so, we would have nothing to prove to one another with respect to gender.

it seems, that men (or maybe just my experience) have a social disposition to prove that they are complete and strong to women in order for them to feel worthy. without gender, this would be obsolete.

anyway, none of that matters. so forget you ever read this.

good night.