I officially love the Foggy Monocle. Thanks for hours of enjoyment, whoever the hell you are.
For a gentleman the world of romance is much like life at the high seas: fraught with danger! Sometimes, a gentleman’s dashing looks and suave charm do not work in his favor — quite the contrary! — for they attract ladies of all shapes and sizes. When carousing in a late-night watering hole, a gentleman’s glowing good looks can put him in harms way, attracting a tsunami of appealing and unappealing woman. And like a weary whaling ship captain drunk on drink, a gentleman occasionally shoots his harpoon into the murky waters without thought, reeling in a most dangerous beast from the turbulent depths below.
CaptainAhab: You need to regulate the girls I take home.
Landlubber: Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing you going whaling like you did last night
CaptainAhab: You’re an ass
CaptainAhab: This story will stay here
Landlubber: The legend of Moby Dick will travel back home and be told for generations to come.
CaptainAhab: I’d appreciate it if you would stop referring to it as whaling, moby dick, etc.
Landlubber: I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from harpooning whales when you’re out at the bar with me in the future.
CaptainAhab: I’d appreciate it if you’d go and kill yourself.
CaptainAhab: She wasn’t that fat dude.
Landlubber: I would have done the same in your shoes. But that doesn’t mean I won’t bust on you relentlessly for it.
CaptainAhab: I did wake up thinking what the hell did I do?
Landlubber: It’s been far too long since I woke up with smelly fingers in a pool of sweat, booze and regret.
CaptainAhab: I can’t wait until you hook up with someone that is even remotely large/unattractive/mentally retarded
CaptainAhab: because I will ridicule you relentlessly
Landlubber: I know
Landlubber: I might go celibate just to be safe
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