I officially love the Foggy Monocle. Thanks for hours of enjoyment, whoever the hell you are.


For a gentleman the world of romance is much like life at the high seas: fraught with danger! Sometimes, a gentleman’s dashing looks and suave charm do not work in his favor — quite the contrary! — for they attract ladies of all shapes and sizes. When carousing in a late-night watering hole, a gentleman’s glowing good looks can put him in harms way, attracting a tsunami of appealing and unappealing woman. And like a weary whaling ship captain drunk on drink, a gentleman occasionally shoots his harpoon into the murky waters without thought, reeling in a most dangerous beast from the turbulent depths below.


CaptainAhab: You need to regulate the girls I take home.

Landlubber: Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing you going whaling like you did last night

CaptainAhab: You’re an ass

CaptainAhab: This story will stay here

Landlubber: The legend of Moby Dick will travel back home and be told for generations to come.

CaptainAhab: I’d appreciate it if you would stop referring to it as whaling, moby dick, etc.

Landlubber: I’d appreciate it if you’d refrain from harpooning whales when you’re out at the bar with me in the future.

CaptainAhab: I’d appreciate it if you’d go and kill yourself.

CaptainAhab: She wasn’t that fat dude.

Landlubber: I would have done the same in your shoes. But that doesn’t mean I won’t bust on you relentlessly for it.

CaptainAhab: I did wake up thinking what the hell did I do?

Landlubber: It’s been far too long since I woke up with smelly fingers in a pool of sweat, booze and regret.

CaptainAhab: I can’t wait until you hook up with someone that is even remotely large/unattractive/mentally retarded

Landlubber: hahahahahaha

CaptainAhab: because I will ridicule you relentlessly

Landlubber: I know

Landlubber: I might go celibate just to be safe

A Gentleman Goes Whaling

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